Grieving to praising.

There are things in life we greive for. Most people, greive for someone they have lost that was close to them.

The last few years I have been greiving the loss of what was my 'old body'. When someone so young, gets diagnosed with a chronic illness, such as Rheumatoid Arthritis, it turns your world up side down. Your body changes, it's not the same as it was, and you become less able to do what you used to do and be the person who you used to be. It stops you, from fullfilling what you want to do, and it can be an isolating illness, because often it's an invisable illness, and sometimes people turn a blind eye, and assume you are fine because you look fine. In most cases it's not fine.

I have found it hard for a long time to accept who I am. The RA, has changed me, it makes me grumpy, and it makes me tired. And sometimes, I forget what fun is. I forget actually how to have fun, because I am tired and I find it hard to jump out of bed and I forget to laugh.

It's my faith that mostly gets me through the day. Knowing, what Jesus brutally, went through so I can be forgiven from my sin. His scars, proved, He understands my pain, and he walks with me through my toughest times. His grace, releases me, from feeling guilt and feeling shame.

Each day, I hold out the hope one day, I won't wake up in pain. Because I know God can perform healing. Yet, I need to learn to love myself first and I need to accept, the plan God has for me, so He can fulfill what He needs to do. I need to 'trust' Him and delcare His faithfulness, in what I have already overcome for Him to make room for more.